Tired of the Same Old Routine

...The routine of binge eating, eating stuff I don't need to eat, etc.
When I read my past entries, it seems like nothing's changed. I still binge eat often without reason..at work in the afternoon, at home when I'm bored, after I get home from the bars...I am so tired of it. I weighed in this morning at 148.2...That's so much..I just feel uncomfortable at this weight, not like myself. The past three days have been especially bad (Thurs, Fri, Sat). Totally out of control, just eating anything not nailed down basically. I read a quote I posted a while ago about starting today to change the rest of my life. I am seriously so tired of living like this, always beating myself up for eating crap. So today is it - I have done this before (changed my life on a dime) when I first started losing weight. I also just found out that I'm not going to be traveling for work anymore starting in September (!), and I am so ready for it. Ready to get back to being home and not being surrounded by food all the time. It's going to be great :)

Feeling Ick

I have the WORST headache this morning...I feel like I'm getting a cold :( Which is a total bummer, because I was so excited to be done with my marathon and to be able to do "normal" things (go to kickboxing, go to a bar on a friday night, etc.) Oh well, there's nothing I can do about it except get lots of rest, so I'll just try to do that. Sigh. This morning I weighed in at 146.5 - good! Surprising considering my "dinner" last night consisted of chips and guac, some popcorn at the movies, some trail mix, and 1/2 box of raisinets (= 1480 + 150+200+170 = 2000 calories yesterday). Isn't it funny..that seems so high, and that's probably my recommended calorie intake. Today is Thursday, which means it's a travel day. I hate travel days because my eating is totally unpredictable..who knows when I'll be able to eat dinner and what it will be . I am just going to try to get my six meals in, and by as healthy as I can. Funny, because I just had half a scone for breakfast. Oh well, at least I only had half!

Tuesday

Menu from yesterday:
Cereal w/ Milk - 150 cals.
Coffee
Almonds and dried Apricots - 200 cals.
Turkey Sandwich on Wheat w/ Mustard, Tomatoes, Mayo + Fruit Salad - 600 cals
Power Bar - 200 cals.
Peanut M&Ms - 100 cals
Jason's Deli salad bar - 760 cals
Veggies (30 cals)
Parm Cheese (50 cals)
Crutons (30 cals)
Balsamic Dressing (150 cals)
2 mini muffins (200 cals)
1/4 cup pasta salad (150 cals)
Frozen Yogurt (150 cals)
= 1860 cals
Pretty good, but considering I didn't exercise, probably should have had less. Today I am going to try to come in more around 1500. My muscles are still sore from the marathon, so I don't think I'm going to workout again today..I went for a walk this morning and did some stretching to hopefully improve their flexibility. Menu so far today...
Power Bar - 200 cals

Latte and 1/2 Mini Scone - 320 cals

Trail Mix - 100 cals

Salmon Salad w/ Dressing - ~500 cals
Chocolate - 100 cals

Trail Mix - 100 cals
Chocolate - 160 cals

= 1480 so far

My First Marathon!

I can't believe I did it! It was so hard...those last six miles was one of the toughest things I've done in my life. Now that it's over, I can't wait to get back to losing weight and being a little more well-rounded in my efforts...
More details on the marathon later, but I wanted to start doing something I was doing a while ago, which is post my menu every day. I know it's not very exciting, but it helps keep me honest :)

Today:
Grande Latte
Maple Scone
Apple
Balance Bar
Tortilla Chips (1.5 servings)
Wheat thins (about 1 serving)
String Cheese
Salami (1 serving)
Ice cream

Total = 1810

Not bad, considering I was still in marathon-splurge mode :) A little heavy on the carbs, but I was craving them!

Frustrated

I wonder how many times I've used that as a title for my blog? I think that pretty much summarizes my life these days. I weighed in this morning at 148, up 2 pounds from the weekend. I'm not too sure why - maybe water weight since I ate out last night? I am really frustrated with myself..sometimes I feel like I have no control over my eating. I did a good job last night at dinner (for the most part)..had a couple of fried appetizers, but didn't stuff my face, and then had meat and a few potatoes for dinner. Then when I got home, I was CRAVING ice cream even though I wasn't hungry. Why can't I just come home and go to bed? Instead, I ended up having some frozen yogurt, even though I wasn't hungry, and a handful of chocolate chips. Sometimes I don't know what's wrong with me.

Reunited and it feels so good...

Reunited with two of my most favorite things - 3FC and my blog :) I have been living the past six months, working, traveling, really just putting myself out there and doing whatever comes along. It's been great...except for the fact that I've gained ten pounds and have to fit into a bridesmaids dress in three months!! When I got the dress a few weeks ago and zipped it up...well, that was a wake up call. And really, I know that I look no different (mostly) now than I did six pounds ago when I felt really great about myself. It's all in my head (and maybe a few pounds that are making that dress a little snug). It's not really all about losing weight..I just want to get back into my routine. This is so hard when I'm on the road for work, but I know I can make it happen. I just want to eat like a normal person, not binge eat, not eat chocolate to resolve boredom/sorrows, etc. Is that so much to ask?? I really weigh ten pounds more now than in Augst because I'm HAPPY...for the most part, anyway! No more crying, being depressed, all that kind of stuff. I like to think of them as happy pounds :) Happy pounds that I am ready to be done with before I get into a bathing suit, however! I am going to get in a much better habit of posting on here and on 3FC so that I can lose a few pounds in the next month (maybe 3 or 4?) before one wedding, and another couple before the next wedding. I think those are small goals that I can definitely attain :)

one month later...

:) things have been going well the past week. i know, just a week, but i am finally getting back into my routine. pre-holidays i really had it down, and i'm just now getting back into the swing of things. wow, only four months later :/ I just kept gaining weight, not a lot, but a couple of pouds due to all of the junk I was eating on the road, and then eating too much at night on the weekends post-bars with my friends. my marathon training has been going really well, despite a nagging knee/hip thing that will hopefully be resolved by some orthotics that i'm hopefully going to get from the doctor next week. i still have 4 months until my first wedding (end of june), and i want to feel GOOD then..whether its at 140 or 130 i don't really care. honestly, i know it's just a number...but when i take care of myself, that number gets less and i feel good. i feel like i workout so much and i really want a body that shows that i do. unfortunately, that's going to require losing some of this fat that's sitting on top of my beautiful muscles! i just want this to be life - making good decisions, having a treat when i need it, and NOT obsessing over food!