MUCH better

Thanks to all the girls out there that were concerned for me <> I am feeling much better. I even got an email from him and it didn't trigger tears. Yay! I had a date yesterday...all my friends were like, wow that's a quick turn around time. But you know, my feeling is that the longer I wait around feeling sorry for myself and moping, the worse I will feel. So why not get back to the routine, go on some days, boost my self confidence, and have some fun? Let me tell you, so far it's been great. And it's even been great for my diet...today I weighed in at 137.7 --> GOAL WEIGHT!!!! I couldn't believe it, I was pretty stoked. Though I'm not going to officialy say that I've reaced goal until I weigh in at my normal day/time and see that 138. I think I might try to lose a little more (maybe 9 pounds? 127?) but only after I maintain this for a while. I kinda want to fit in these size 4 pants in my closet ;)

MUCH better

Thanks to all the girls out there that were concerned for me <> I am feeling much better. I even got an email from him and it didn't trigger tears. Yay! I had a date yesterday...all my friends were like, wow that's a quick turn around time. But you know, my feeling is that the longer I wait around feeling sorry for myself and moping, the worse I will feel. So why not get back to the routine, go on some days, boost my self confidence, and have some fun? Let me tell you, so far it's been great. And it's even been great for my diet...today I weighed in at 137.7 --> GOAL WEIGHT!!!! I couldn't believe it, I was pretty stoked. Though I'm not going to officialy say that I've reaced goal until I weigh in at my normal day/time and see that 138. I think I might try to lose a little more (maybe 9 pounds? 127?) but only after I maintain this for a while. I kinda want to fit in these size 4 pants in my closet ;)

skinny can't buy you happiness

they always say money can't buy you love, but can skinniness?
i broke up with my boyfriend of three years yesterday. it was kind of mutual...more me telling him that i need more from our relationship, and him saying that he can't provide it. is that mutual? i don't really know. i don't know what i am going to do without him. i mean, after three years...he was basically my life. i don't feel like doing anything, i don't want to workout, i don't want to eat, i don't want to move. i just want to sit here like a lump in front of my computer at work and just go through the movements, not thinking, not attempting to do anything that will let my mind wander. if i stop, i think about the last time we slept in the same bed, how i can't believe that's the last time i'll ever be in his arms, the last time i kissed him good bye. i weighed in this morning at 139.0, one pound from goal. and i don't give a flying fuck.

i ache...

...all over in many way. My legs ached from running yesterday, lifting weights with my legs (which I hadn't done in about a month), and then running this morning. It's a good ache though, that ache that I am pushing my body. In a less good way, my heart aches. I think I am going to break up with my boyfriend of three years. It's just not working any more. More than anything (anything being anger or sadness), I don't know what I am going to do with myself. Pour myself into work? Working out? Trying to meet people? He's my best friend. We've been dating for three years, and were off/on dating a year before that. Sigh. Anyway, back to work..at least physically....

that last entry was all over the place...

this entry will be much shorter, don't worry. went out last night with old co-workers...gosh, it made me miss that job. it was almost perfect -- great work, great people...but wasn't intellectually stimulating. it was a job in event planning...now i work as a business strategy consultant. my old coworkers didn't even know i could program, let alone use excel like it's my bitch. it's so hard to find something intellectually stimulating and still has all the other great things to. my current job is pretty close, but not perfect (on the fun coworker end). two more weeks until i leave for my new project...yikes. keeping up my diet on the road is going to be interesting to say the least. that means for now i need to do GREAT to lose as much weight as i can before take off. speaking of which, i'm going to the salad bar for lunch :P

it just takes a little brain power...

that's what i'm finding these days. that sometimes when i'm trying to eat right, i need to get my head in the game (as much as the rest of my body usually is). this weekend, whoo boy. it was fun. it was indulgent. and i lost weight! how?? well, let me tell you. notice the head coming into play...

Friday -- Ate well, but had a muffin at work that was certainly a lot of calories. No worries, counted it as my lunch and went for a power walk instead of getting something to eat at noon. Dinner, went out with the company, ate until I was full, it was good.

Saturday -- Had a power bar and went to the gym. Has an AWESOME run. Wasn't hungry until 3 -- had a light lunch. Went to a dinner for a wedding anniversary -- ate one of a couple of yummy appetizers and had a couple drinks. Didn't eat my salad or salmon for dinner, since wasn't hungry. Did have a piece of cake and some fondue (ok, drunk head).

Sunday -- Had a piece of reduced fat coffee cake at 11:00 b/c I was hungry. Went to the beach any played volleyball all day. Got home at 5:45 and was hungry. Had a salad, couple hours later I was hungry again and the boyfriend and I went to ice cream.

Monday -- Lost a pound!

It was great, just eating when I was hungry, not eating too much, just using my damn head! Why can't I do that always????

since you've been gone...

no, i didn't break up with my boyfriend. kelly clarkson's coming to town, and i think i might go. my boyfriend and i are closet fans, so we're thinking of dressing in costume and showing up at the concert...i think i'll go as a slutty 16 year-old. i'll fit right in. the past week has been busy with work, i've been working on something i like, so that's good. i haven't been sleeping that well though...thinking a lot about the new job in phoenix and how that's going to affect my life. that's all i'm going to write about it, mainly because i want to be able to sleep tonight. i'm looking forward to this weekend..fun things with friends are planned, but it's the last weekend one of my best friends will be here before she moves to LA for med school :( i don't know what i'm going to do without her. before i started blogging, i made some july goals, and i wanted to update my status on those and post august goals. y'know, to keep myself accountable and all.

July Goals:
-- See 139 (pounds that is) (Check! Saw it, if only briefly)
-- Don't drink so many lattes (Check! Had two in the month of July)
-- Make it through one month without bingeing (Definitely no check)
-- Focus on working out less b/c I have eaten bad foods, more b/c I like it (Kind of)
-- Find more activities to get me out in the city (Definitely didn't do a good job of this during the week, ok on the weekends)
-- Cook more on the weekend so I have food during the week (Yeah, no check)

My August Goals!!!!
-- WEIGH IN at 141 lbs. (3 down from last week)
-- Make it through EACH DAY, one day at a time, without bingeing
-- Get out of my apartment and enjoy that city!!

Wish me luck!!!