new years resolutions

already?! oh yes. i'm not a big fan of resolutions at new years. i am, however, a fan of resolutions in general. i have made my share of failed resolutions -- i can't even begin to name them. i did succeed in one pretty big one though, which is losing weight. 50 pounds later, i would say it is accomplished. with that under my belt, i feel like i am can set resolutions even if i don't make good on all of then. i want to think of today as my new years day, my first day to change the way i have been eating and acting for the past three months. why today? because today is as good as any, because i am here with my family, and i am happy. so i am going to begin ruminating on my new years resolutions now because i can start working on them before new years day!!

Resolution #1 Break the sugar habit!
I have gotten in the worst sugar habit ever since I left my parents house. With my parents, dessert it a treat. We always have deserts in our house, but they are eaten sporadically whenever anyone feels like it. I have gotten accustomed (through college and now buying food for myself) of having dessert after every meal, whether I have room for it or not. It really has become the worst habit. I'll have a yummy, healthy lunch, and then feel like I need a piece of chocolate or a diet coke afterwards. i just want to get out of that habit! it will be hard to do, but that is resolution numero uno.

more resolutions to come...

feeling a little better...

my last post was so depressing...yikes. i'm feeling a little better now...my roomate is back from vacation so we've been hanging out a lot the past few days. i still haven't been able to get control of my eating, though. something someone posted on 3FC today made me start thinking that i might have a problem..
i know i've been really down the past couple of months, just post-breakup stuff. but when i think about how i've been eating, it's really bizarre. like, i'll go a week basically eating only enough to get by (i do this a lot on the weekends too). i avoid meals when at all possible...if i reaaally want to see a friend and they ask me to dinner i'll go, but i don't go without worrying about gaining weight. then other times, i totally binge. generally i dont' binge on these types of scraping by days unless i get home from drinking and the drunchies ensue. other times though (like the past two weeks) i just shove anything into my mouth. what is going on with me? i just want to get back on my regular schedule. i've never been a perfectionist with eating by far, but never this bizarre. could i be depressed? i sure feel like it sometimes. then sometimes i feel ok...i don't know. scary thought..

sitting pretty, but not happy

when did this become my life?
i have become so depressed in the past month. seasonal affective disorder? maybe...though it's generally the same state of mild coldness a and fog in san francisco. when i broke up with my boyfriend three months ago, i went through a period of about a month and a half of not eating much, going out a lot, dating, just in general living that single life i hadn't had. somewhere around 6 weeks ago, it got old. and now i've resigned myself to my couch and re-runs of the real world. ouch, i know. i have lost that motivation i had to just call up people i hadn't seen in ages and say "hey, let's go out!" i have a couple good friends in the city, but they have lives different from mine...they all have serious significant others and aren't really into that single, party, bar scene. so i hang out with them when i can....but i still find myself bored on the occasional weekend night and generally all day on saturday and sunday. what do people without boyfriends, families, or weekend obligations do?? if anyone has any suggestions, let me know. there are only so many days you can workout, shop, and shop some more. besides, all this shopping is definitely not good for my checkbook. sigh. at least this week i'm not flying to dallas....so i get to be in san francisco tonight (yay, i guess). i need to get out of this funk asap.

ps i still haven't cured the "drunchies" (loving that word, by the way). i think the best cure will be to just keep anything prime for a drunchie moment (tortilla chips, anything frozen), out of my kitchen! definitely better for me on the whole anyway.

drunk eating

i couldn't think of a more creative title...
i have a big problem. i have been so good eating, well, at least better than i have been in the past. i have gotten SO much better at eating out at restaurants and not finishing everything. last night i went to this burger place and got a hamburger for dinner..and i only ate half of my burger and fries and let my date eat the rest. BUT now my big problem has been eating when i am not hungry when i get back from the bars at two or three in the morning. a lot of times my roomate is asleep or not here, so i'll just raid the kitchen. this didnt used to be as big of a problem because i didnt go out that much...now that i am not dating anyone, i have been going out a lot more and this has really become a problem. i dont know what to do about it...all i know is that last night i had a piece of pizza, two cupcakes, and two cookies between two and three am. ya, definitely not healthy :/

end of week 2 traveling...

i have been SO busy!!
i have been busy at work, and traveling to and from the client site..so busy that i haven't had time to post!! i have been doing pretty well while i have been on the road. i haven't really lost any weight, but i have maintained and lost a little since i went to that stupid work conference about three weeks ago and binged for about 5 days....
i am trying really hard to be more concious when i eat out, and honoring when i feel full. it is so hard since i eat out every day, but it's getting better. luckily we have a cafeteria at my client site, so i've been having salad most days. on thursday i decided to have a sandwich, chips, and a cookie (what would have formerly be a standard meal for me) and i felt SO full! i felt so bad that i definitely have no desire for that lunch again. well, at least not for a long while...