one year later...

a funny thing happened today...
i was looking back through my outlook calendar to find some due dates, and i found where i used to track my weight...i used to stick it in my calendar to track my progress. i looked at today's date 1 year ago - January 20, 2006 - and guess what..my weigh in on that day was EXACTLY THE SAME as today. THAT was a wakeup call. Not that when I think about myself a year ago I think I am any different size than I am now but...I don't know...I like to think that I have lost SOME weight or at least developed some better muscle tone or something (which I probably have). I guess it's more like my life has changed so much since then that I expected my weight to change too. This year I don't want the same thing to happen - I want to reach my goal in August and look great at the wedding I am in....
What is going to have to change between now and then? Accountability for what I eat, no binge eating, and making VERY smart choices when I am out to eat (because I eat the majority of my meals out!!) I can do it, I just need to remember that I need to actually change my behavior to see change!!

great quote

"Today is a new day - I have a whole new way of thinking about me and the way I do things. No more starting and stopping, no bad me or good me, no beating myself up, creating false fantasies, or crying over what has happened (or not happened) in the past.
I am now ready to act purposefully - taking full responsibility for what occurs knowing too, that I can change it if I choose to. I am ready, and I am willing, and even when I do not feel ready or willing, I will continue to move forward on my plan - not “judging” my results along the way. I will stay on the road, focused, committed, and certain that my continuing efforts are my reward, and success is in taking action, not in expecting specific results. I am mentally and physically focused, committed and taking action to succeed. Success is taking action and staying with it."

Isn't that a novel idea? To not beat yourself up, cry over what happened, act purposefully, take full responsibility....
I got back from Austin last night. It was a great weekend..we ate good food, got two great long runs in, went out Friday and Saturday night...quite perfect. To top it off, I ate like someone WITHOUT an eating problem. I went to a breakfast place and got pancakes and eggs and had enough so that I wasn't hungry anymore, but wasn't stuffed. What a novel idea!! Is this how the rest of the world eats?? I was high on all of this - until my Monday morning weigh in. 145.5. Up two, TWO, and a half pounds from Friday. I was pissed, to say the least. Here all my discipline and good eating habits pay me off like that?!? I'm still pissed..but I'm trying to think positively. What's more important to shedding these last 15 pounds - the fact that I'm up two pounds or that I may have finally got a handle on eating like a regular human being? I'll take the regular human being, thanks.

feeling good...

b/c i've been treating my body good :)
resolutions update...
-going to austin this weekend even though it means being gone from san francisco for two weeks to visit a friend
-figured out i'll run out of money in march..eep! but its a fixable problem..charge less!
-have been successfully binge free for two and a half days! (as of 1/2)
-lost a pound!
-got a raise! and a bonus!! more importantly...my boss gave me a great review!

so far, this year's off to a great start :)